How do you cope with feeling overwhelmed?
“I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.” by Maya Angelou (Poet and Author).
How do you cope with feeling overwhelmed?
We have a new puppy, Winnie. She's gorgeous. I was feeling great all weekend, lots of cuddles and lots of fun. Suddenly, it’s Monday morning I could feel the heat rising through my body into my head. Brain fog arriving. It's December! I realised what I had to do by the end of the year. What I need to do for my children and their schools, for my business. And now I'm hosting Christmas dinner for all three permitted families. I was in overwhelm! The weekend with my puppy distracted me but come Monday, all the thoughts came back with a vengeance.
But the thing is, my overwhelm was more than just about the monster to do list I have for my work and family. It was about my emotions too. It was about having a million things going on in my head, relating to everything going on in my life. I went into panic and perfectionist mode about Christmas. On top of these emotions I have had a draining and challenging year. December is never a quiet month at the best of times and this year, it feels really different.
How do you spot and cope with feeling overwhelmed?
Thankfully, given my coach training and experience, I now spot when I'm in overwhelm. I follow the toolkit at the end of this blog. When I use the toolkit I swap the feeling of feeling frantic or frazzled for a sense of accomplishment. I swap that sickening feeling of overwhelm for a feeling of being in control of myself. I follow the toolkit, step by step, rather than staying with those unpleasant feelings of overwhelm.
Why is it important to spot and decide how you choose to cope with overwhelm?
Being in overwhelm is unpleasant for all of us and for those around us. When we are feeling overwhelmed, we are not functioning at our best. We are in reactive rather than proactive and that can make us feel more exhausted. Often, if overwhelmed, we choose a distraction such as scrolling through social media; or doing anything else other than the most important thing that we need to do; or we lose it and snap at others and feel guilty afterwards.
You are not alone.
We all feel overwhelmed at times, we just all deal with it in different ways. When we feel overwhelmed, we feel both internal and external pressures. It’s as if we're signalling to our brain that what we need to do is far greater than our ability to do it. Our brain interprets this as danger. It then triggers the fight or flight stress response in us. Our bodies and mind takeover unless we consciously step in and interrupt.
Below is a toolkit that will help prevent overwhelm continuing. The toolkit helps:
stop the unhelpful internal chatter
you focus on something that brings back a sense of control
swap uncomfortable feelings for more positive feelings
move from reactive to proactive
Overwhelm toolkit
1. STOP
Stop what you are doing. Have a stretch, go for a walk or go and make a cup of tea. Do something completely different to what you are doing at that moment. Acknowledge that in this moment you are not functioning at your best and so you need to stop and do something different.
2. Acknowledge it’s ok.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that there is just a lot going on in your life right now, and it's natural and ok to feel overwhelmed.
3. Brain dump.
It's really important when you have so much going on in your head that you get it out of your head. One way is to write it out. Make a list of what you need to do. Not just for work, anything else on your mind. It's private no one will see it, so go for it.
4. Prioritise
Look at your list, and go through it and mark it (or highlight it in different colours) (1) to (4):
(1) urgent and important;
(2) not urgent and important;
(3) urgent, not important;
(4) not urgent, not important.
Prioritise: urgent and important, and the not urgent but important tasks today only.
5. Communication.
It's important to communicate with yourself and with others.
Internally, be your own best friend. What support do you need, from colleagues, family, friends? What would you advise your best friend to do?.
Externally, communicate with whoever you're collaborating with, do they need to know that you're focusing on one particular thing right now, as you've got a lot on?. Is delegating an option?
6. Replenish and stay healthy.
When we go into overwhelm our body goes through a lot. We need to go back to basics. It's important to get enough sleep, exercise, and eat nutritious meals. This is essential self-care. It should be a no brainer but it's really difficult when you are busy and in overwhelm. Once you are replenished you will function at your best.
7. Action the big rocks first
Start with the “absolutely has to happen today” of the “urgent and important” and “non- urgent but important” tasks. Just focus on those and nothing else. Collaborate and communicate with whoever you need to in order to be able to do this.
8. Be gentle and kind to yourself and celebrate.
When you've accomplished a task, celebrate it, even if it’s just a virtual high five. Talk about it to normalise it. Talk about how you were overwhelmed and how you spotted it and what you did about it and what you actually achieved.
It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. It’s important not to stay in overwhelm. Everyone has the feeling of overwhelm at some point, we all just deal with those feelings in a different way.
You are not alone. Overwhelm happens to all of us, and likely to happen more this month in the build up to Christmas. There are tools. We all talk about what we've got to do on our list but we don't talk about how we do it when we're feeling overwhelmed. Let's start that conversation and let’s share that now.
Please don’t continue to feel overwhelmed, and if any of the above resonates please do book a curiosity call.