How to overcome perfectionism
“Perfectionism is a 20 ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen and taking flight” Brene Brown
Perfectionism - help or hindrance?
I'm a recovering perfectionist.
I became a perfectionist many years ago at school. At school, being perfect earnt a gold star and teachers loved you.
Then when I started as a lawyer, attention to detail, perfect documents, perfectly run meetings and perfect hitting of deadlines got rave reviews, promotions, repeat work from clients, and people came to me because I was a perfectionist. I decided being a perfectionist was a good thing. What's not to love about being a perfectionist?
I wasn't a fly by my pants, wait and see kind of gal. I was organised, thoughtful and always did a high standard “perfect” job. Wow!. How could I possibly question or even think about stopping being a perfectionist!?.
As a lawyer for 20 years perfectionism was my superpower………or was it?. I believed it definitely had an upside, look at all the results it got me………………..
What does being a perfectionist really mean?
A perfectionist is someone, who sets unrealistically high standards which are almost certainly unachievable, and then beats themselves up for not reaching them.
How can a perfectionist do so well?
Well, perfectionists are high achievers. They are hardworking and want to do a great job.
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” Brene Brown
Is there a downside to being a perfectionist?
Yes!
The truth is, I achieved a great reputation and great standard of work because I understood what my clients needed, and I did it, I was reliable, hardworking, kind, thoughtful. This is what really made me a success. I didn’t wake up one day and think “hey, I want to be a perfectionist.” I became a perfectionist when I became scared of making a mistake, scared of being judged, scared that I was going to fail. Fear showed up as perfectionism.
The downside:
As a perfectionist, it's all about the unrealistic high standards that you are unlikely to achieve and third party validation. When you don't achieve it, you feel you are definitely not good enough, it lowers your self-esteem.
You hold yourself back and don't go for things due to fear of failure, and not being perfect. Why try something when you know you're not going to be perfect, or can't be perfect?.
Perfectionism is a thief.
It steals your energy.
It steals happiness and joy.
It steals your ability to get things done with ease.
It steals your passion.
It steals your ability to grow.
You are either striving for something unattainable or avoiding something because you don't think you can be perfect.
You are exhausted as you are always striving to be perfect.
Nothing is ever perfect so you never celebrate your achievements.
So why do we continue to be perfectionists?
Well, it's because we think it's working. And it's the key to our success. We don't want to lose our success or be seen as Okay, which is less than perfect. We are afraid of being judged, afraid of being seen as an imposter, afraid of making a mistake. Fear shows up as perfectionism which is in cahoots with our negative inner critic telling us we are not good enough.
So we listen to our negative inner voices and thoughts continue with the same pattern. Let me ask you and please be honest. Is this pattern working for you?
How about a new pattern which still gets you great results but no burnout, no exhaustion, no stealing of joy or happiness and you get to enjoy it and celebrate your success.
Well, how about trying the below. As a recovering perfectionist, the below works, it takes time and I needed A LOT of help from my coach, but when it works, it’s liberating and you get to enjoy the journey and grow.
Top 10 tips to overcome perfectionism
Spot when you are being a perfectionist.
Recognise the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism.
Start from a place of “I'm good enough”, and “I’m already an expert”
As an expert what would I do? If, I wasn’t afraid of getting it wrong or being judged what would I do? Identify the “must haves” and the “nice to haves” and action the “must haves” and seek help or support if needed.
Choose courage over fear and be brave and take action.
Set realistic goals.
Be kind to yourself.
Accept that you are human and no one is perfect and it’s not all about the destination, the journey is important.
Acknowledge yourself for doing such a great job, acknowledge others also for doing such a great job and celebrate your successes.
Replenish, you’ve worked hard.
It often feels like we are being pulled in all directions. We need to reclaim as much wasted energy as possible and be kinder to ourselves. This is a great start in doing this. If any of the above resonates please do book a free curiosity call.