How to Stop Standing in Your Own Way
“The only person standing in your way, Sadia, is you.” A Law Firm Partner said this to me many years ago and I remember thinking - “What on earth does that mean and what can I do about it?”
We had worked together many years ago and we met for a coffee. I began explaining what was not working for me in my career and how I felt stuck. I didn't really know what to do. I started telling him about the things that weren’t working.
He said, “Sadia, you're great, and the only person standing in your way is you”. I remember thinking, wow. Does this mean I have to focus on myself? I don't really have time for that right now. There must be something faster, a tool or something. This is what this article is about!
I remember feeling frustrated with myself and definitely feeling I wasn’t good enough. But…..believing this was just me.
And my first question:
Do you stand in your own way? AKA: Do you self-sabotage?
What is self-sabotage?
It’s your behaviours or thoughts that stop you from doing what you really want to do.
Your Self-Saboteur is usually a negative voice catastrophizing a situation or coming up with many excuses why you can’t possibly do something you want to do.
Mine always pops up when I'm doing something new. When I'm clearly stepping out of my comfort zone.
Do you resonate with some of the below common Self-sabotage behaviour and thoughts?:
you’re about to go for promotion, you feel ecstatic that you have been put forward, but then this voice inside says “they are just being kind to you, no-one really thinks you are going to get it, in fact, they are hoping you are going to drop out”. You then question why you are in the process. Some dropout. Some spend significant amounts of time on reasons and arguments why you should not be in the process.
You’re about to attend a dream client pitch or client meeting and the thoughts “you’re not prepared enough, you’re not what they really want, it’s a real long shot” which ultimately impacts the way you show up for the meeting.
you feel inspired to try something new, then you get the tightness in your tummy and the uncomfortable feeling and lots of reasons why not to do it. You start catastrophizing about what will happen if you do it and how it’s safer for you and your career not to do it.
It’s too hard. It takes too much time which means it’s not meant to be or you’re not good enough.
I don’t have enough experience.
You feel the “wobble”, the “uncomfortable feeling” and think you are not good enough. The thing is, as we grow, so does our self-saboteur, our fears and limiting beliefs. These wobbles, uncomfortable feelings are a good sign that we are growing in our careers. It’s NOT because we are not good enough, despite our self-saboteur telling us!
I now know when my self-saboteur speaks up it’s because I am stepping out of my comfort zone into my growth zone. I still feel frustrated, angry with myself when I listen to my Self-Saboteur. Who wouldn’t feel that way when you have a loud voice in your head creating thoughts that you are not good enough and you believe it!
Your Self Saboteur is scared.
We always have a choice between choosing courage or fear.
Why is it important to spot your Saboteur?
If you choose fear (ie believing what your self-saboteur is saying), you're stopping yourself from reaching your goal.
You are sabotaging yourself.
You are coming up with excuses. Millions of reasons not to do something. Not to reach your goal, not to go for that promotion, not to have that brave conversation with your manager to tell them what you really want in your career.
Every single one of us does it in one way or the other.
This behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life, be it in a relationship, career goal or personal goal (such as running a marathon). It can be a very frustrating cycle of behaviour that lowers our self-confidence and leaves us feeling stuck.
Common reasons why we self-sabotage:
Lack of self-belief: we don’t believe we can achieve our goals. Self- Saboteur tells us we are not smart enough, we’re not good enough.
Fear of Success: when we’ve worked hard for something, fear of success can be the stressor.
Fear of failure: fear that we will give all we have to a goal and it will still not be enough to achieve it.
But here's the thing. Are you noticing it?
Do you know when you are self-sabotaging? Is this working for you?
Try asking yourself:
What if there were no limits, what would I do?
What if I couldn’t fail, what would I do?
What if it was guaranteed to work, what would I do?
5 Top Tips to Stop Standing in Your Own Way
As always, be kind and compassionate to yourself on your journey.
Once I was able to spot my self-saboteur, I was able to grow with more ease. It’s still scary but I chose courage over fear.
What’s your self-saboteur saying to you?
If you would like to talk more about self-sabotage and how I can help you overcome it, but in for a curiosity call…