How to Turn Resistance into Action
“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.” Steven Pressfield.
Resistance is a really old friend of mine, I felt it for many years without knowing what it really meant. Now I understand the magic behind it. This article shares how resistance often shows up and how to find the magic behind it. For too long, when I felt resistance, I felt things like:
“It's not for me”.
“I'm not expert enough”.
“I don't want to let anyone down”.
“I need to do more research”.
“I need more time”.
“It’s just too hard, there must be something else.”
I believed it was all true. It caused me to overthink, overwork, to resist what I really wanted to do because I was so caught up with dealing with the negative thoughts and proving them wrong.
I now realise that resistance was my old friend, and a signpost for Stop, Look and Listen. It’s there to teach us to Stop, to Look at our patterns of doing things, are we in autopilot? and Listen to what we really want. Is our current way of doing things still working for us?
What are you resisting right now?
A project that requires significant time and effort?. A tricky conversation with a client, manager or family member?. The projects and conversations that cause the greatest amount of resistance are often the ones that are the most important to our development.
What happens when you feel resistance?
Resistance often shows up in your thoughts; “it's not for me, I'm not good at this, it’s too hard, I need to do more research, I am not an expert, I need more time”.
What’s the impact of your thoughts?
With those thoughts, you often feel anxious, fear, dread, stress, worried, defeated, exhausted!.
What happens when these thoughts and feelings strike?
These thoughts and feelings often lead to you overthinking, overworking which may lead to the task not getting done. Or, you work ridiculously hard, speak to yourself in a harsh way but you keep pushing to get it done. Once complete you feel relieved but exhausted as you’ve worked so hard. Sometimes, too exhausted for feelings of joy and happiness. Sound familiar?
What causes resistance?
Top causes:
1. Fear.
Fear of failure, fear of being judged, and my old favourite – Perfectionism! Fear often shows up as perfectionism, making you set unrealistic standards that we will never achieve, but we believe perfectionism is the key to praise, the best results and we keep striving and beating ourselves up in the process. Article: How to overcome the paralysing fear behind perfectionism
2. Self- doubt from negative self-talk.
Negativity breeds resistance by focusing on the barriers that may stand in the way of achieving an important task. Negative self-talk, may include “You are not good enough, this is hard for you but not so hard for others, you need to work harder than anyone else” Article: How to take your power back from your inner critic.
This was my pattern for many years. It worked. I achieved. But….it always felt “hard” and I internalised this to mean, “I wasn’t good enough”, even thought feedback was good. It didn’t feel great, I was too exhausted and spoke to myself too harshly to feel great. But when I was caught in my autopilot way of always achieving, always on the go, always thinking about others, achieving with great feedback. Why change?
Is there another way?
Yes!
How about a new pattern?
So imagine again, you have that new project, that’s just hit your desk and you know that it's going to be a tough one. It's tricky. You will probably have some of the old thoughts of: ““it's not for me, I'm not good at this, it’s too hard, I need to do more research, I am not an expert, I need more time”
STOP
How about some new thoughts? Try:
What am I, resisting?.
What does excellent look like?
What are my new thoughts?.
LOOK
How are you feeling?
LISTEN
By asking what am I resisting, you can understand what you are trying to resist, for example, are you scared of what the clients will think?
By asking what does excellent look like?, you move away from perfectionism and focus on What do I already know?. What else do I need to know to achieve excellence (not perfectionism!) and do I need support any other specific information?. What is my client, trying to achieve, what are they expecting to read?
These are your new thoughts.
This leads to you feeling calmer, staying in actions you want to take. It prevents any unhealthy autopilot actions that no longer serve you.
So is resistance, a bad thing?.
No, it's a natural feeling, the magic behind the resistance is knowing how to deal with it, and working out what it's trying to tell you.
The magic of Acceptance
Resistance is the opposite of Acceptance.
What we focus on not wanting seems to reappear in our lives over and over, creating unintended and undesirable situations.
Acceptance is a choice, by choosing acceptance, we’re choosing to put an end to our resistance. It’s a choice to release control of the things that we cannot change.
8 steps for turning Resistance into Action
Spot Your Resistance
Become aware of your thoughts and your feelings. Recognise what it looks like and how it feels. How does it show up for you?
💫 Perfectionism
💫 Watching Netflix
💫 Social media scrolling
💫 Negative thoughtsAcceptance.
Accept your thoughts and feeling, your resistance, don't push them away. Accepting those feelings and thoughts doesn't mean that they won't change. It means that we're taking our power back and freeing ourselves from the clench of resistance.
What’s the lesson to learn?
Is it that this pattern of autopilot no longer serves me, time to think of a new pattern?. I am an expert? I have a choice? I am growing and it’s hard.
You are not alone.
Know that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are not alone. Feeling resistance is feeling that you are human.
Focus on your thoughts.
What are you thinking and feeling?. You can do this by meditating, by journaling and writing it out. You need to give yourself space, you need to press pause and give yourself that mindfulness space in order to focus on those thoughts, it's worth the investment.
Gain control over the negative self-talk.
Negativity breeds resistance by focusing on the barriers that stand in the way of achieving an important task, you're much less likely to take action. Engaging in negative self-talk, such as constantly telling yourself you are not an expert, you are not good enough, will not lead to the action that you need to take.
Be kind to yourself.
Practice self- compassion and forgiveness and talk to yourself as if you are talking to your best friend.
Take action.
Turn off all your distractions. Set the timer for 50 minutes and take action, and then celebrate what you have done!
Resistance is a signpost for Stop, Look and Listen as we cross our own roads. It’s there to teach us, to makes us review our habits and patterns and consider if they serve us. It’s not about stopping altogether. We always need to Stop, Look and Listen before we cross the road, but we always still need to cross it!
If you are at a crossroads and need support to cross the road, please book a call, I’d love to chat.