Fear of Success vs Fear of Failure. Which one really holds you back?
“Overcoming what frightens you the most strengthens you the most” Matshona Dhliwayo (Author)
Most people talk about fear of failure. I fear failure, always have and I now know how to address this so it doesn’t hold me back.
I noticed with myself and my clients that many of us spot fear of failure, imposter syndrome unhelpful habits of perfectionism and procrastination as key barriers holding us back.
But what about fear of success? Do you know what this is? Have you spotted it?
I didn’t!
Fear of success is when you have an ongoing fear of succeeding. So much so that you might inadvertently be self-sabotaging. It's more about the fear of change that may come, and whether you're really up for it.
Why fear of success might be holding you back more than fear of failure relates to change. If you try something and fail, you go back to what you knew before, you won't be happy about it, but you go back to your comfort zone, a place you know well. It’s easier to take action.
If you try something and succeed, you head into unchartered territory. Things are different.
When I set up my business. I thought, what if I fail? I could go back to being a lawyer! I did it for 20 years, I can manage to go back. However, I felt more anxious when I asked myself, what if I actually succeed?! I would be an unchartered territory. How do I keep going? Do I need to employ to more people? There’s a greater and scarier fall if I mess it up. It's the same for when you go for promotion. If you don't get it, you stay where you are. Yes, you'd be unhappy about it, but you know the job you're doing. But if you go for a promotion and you get it, you'll be in unchartered territory and a change that can lead to anxiety. It can lead to the feelings of fear, the feelings of I don't want to be in a spotlight, what will I say. People will be looking at me, expecting more of me. How will I do it? I don't want more pressure. I don't want more stress.
If these are the thoughts that you have going into that promotion, think about the impact on a subconscious level. If you focus on overcoming fear of failure only you won’t be addressing all the feelings and concerns that fear of success brings up.
You can address all the barriers you think are holding you back but unless you get to the root cause, such as fear of success, the pesky barrier will keep popping up and holding you back.
You can’t fight a demon you can’t see!
This article covers how to spot fear of success, it’s impact and how to deal with it.
What does fear of success look like?
Fear of being in the spotlight
Fear that once you succeed you won't be able to maintain it and you will not live up to everyone's expectations
You'll finally be discovered as a fraud
Success will be momentary it will feel amazing and then immediately be followed by painful failure
Fear of becoming a different person.
Fear of more stress and pressure
Fear of having a bigger impact on more people making you feel more vulnerable because you are now in the spotlight to more people
It will be too much responsibility, and I won't be capable enough to deal with it all effectively
There'll be more expectations put on me and I don't want people, expecting demanding more from me
We often have these feelings but just think it's the norm. And don't think anything more of it. The reality is that these feelings mean you have a fear of success. As with all fears, it's important to spot that fear, and face that fear. Because if we don't face that fear the fear will continue to raise its head in every aspect of our career. If we focus on fear of failure, focus on working on procrastination on perfectionism, we're not dealing with the underlying issues which needs addressing, and that's our fear of success.
How do we do that?
We face the correct fear and we look success in the face.
What would success look like? How do I really feel about success? What would my best friend tell me to do?. By facing the fear, we take our power back and can make decisions from a place of strength and knowledge.
What happens if you don’t spot fear of success?
Misplaced focus
If you fear success, you often focus on what you might lose when you get the success you wanted. You forget the challenges you overcame to get there and the strengths you have. Addressing the fear will help you focus on what you can gain and the real opportunities available to you and others when you do succeed and NOT on what you might lose.
Perfectionism and Procrastination
Fear of success can show up as perfectionism or procrastination, and you can end up not doing what you really want to do and feeling really frustrated about it.
Procrastination and perfectionism are unhelpful habits. It's important to get an understanding of the underlying issue and addressing it, otherwise they will continue.
Low self-confidence, anxiety and stress
The fear of success sucks up energy, time and headspace and causes inner turmoil. This impacts self-confidence, creates anxiety and stress. This then becomes a barrier to you making the impact you really want to make, and are capable of making. You're fighting consciously and unconsciously, an internal battle, before you even thought about your to do list for the day.
How to overcome fear of success
Spot and acknowledge the fear of success by asking yourself what does success look like and how do I really feel about it?
Be kind to yourself and think positive.
Separate emotion from the facts. How do you know you won't live up to everyone's expectations?. How do you know success will not last?. What would you advise your best friend to do?.
Remind yourself that you are part of something larger than you. Fear is often about worrying about uncertainty, feeling out of control. When you realise you're part of the bigger picture, even if you don't really understand what it is, you reduce the pressure on yourself and need to control.
Think now or never.
Learn. People are always scared about what they don't know. Success is no different. Think about those who have succeeded in a similar way and talk to them, do real external research.
Take action, even if it is a small action to speak to a friend.
What are you putting off or playing small with right now? Is fear of success holding you back?.
The next time you are confronted with a new thing, and conquer your fear of failure. Make sure you give some thoughts to fear of success too, so you can really remove all of the barriers. Many people try so hard to create results in their lives without ever realising that fear of success is lurking deep down, and causing them to self-sabotage. When I found my own subconscious fears about success, I was able to clear them. It made a huge difference. Instead of feeling like I was pushing against something, it felt that I was in flow and began really enjoying it again.