How to take your power back from your inner critic.
“It always seems impossible until it's done.” Nelson Mandela
If someone was constantly putting you down, you'd probably take steps to put an end to that behaviour and/or relationship. But what happens when your harshest critic is inside your head?. The little voice telling you that everything you do is not good enough or pointless.
Most of us have an inner critic. I definitely do and I spent a lot of my career wrongly listening to my inner critic and believing she was telling the truth. It's the radio that's always on giving us a running unwanted commentary of our lives, putting a negative spin on our achievements and our aspiration.
This article focuses on the inner critic; when it's most likely to appear; and why it's valuable (yes! It really is valuable, read on…!); and importantly, how to make sure we retain our power and don’t allow our inner critic to run the show.
It’s especially important right now. Many of the conditions that tend to exacerbate our inner critic and make it SHOUT really LOUD are particularly prevalent at the moment.
What is an inner critic?
A term to personify the negative thoughts we have about ourselves. Also, commonly called gremlins or negative inner voice.
What does your inner critic say?
Who do you think you are? You are NOT an expert.
Don't bother you are not good enough.
You may be good with people, but you are rubbish at drafting.
Don't put your hand up. You don't know the answer.
Others are way more experienced than you and so much better.
They are getting faster than you, you always take longer.
You can't do anything right, the harder you try the worse it gets. Just give up.
You don't deserve success. You haven’t worked hard enough.
If you speak your mind, they'll think that you are weak.
Success is for people with talent, not you.
You are not original, everyone’s heard it before, don’t say anything.
You really stuffed up that meeting.
What's the impact of your inner critic having power over you?.
You may find that you:
doubt yourself
look externally for validation and never really receiving it procrastinate, leaving projects unstarted or unfinished
playing it small convincing yourself there's no point in doing work you want to do
feel anxious and frustrated as you take longer to do what you really want to do or don’t do it at all
believe your inner critic is telling the truth
become obsessed with proving your inner critic is wrong and work even harder
become over critical of yourself and critical of others
Why do we have an inner critic?
It’s a simple answer, to keep us safe.
The inner critic is protecting us from shame, criticism, failure and other feelings we really want to avoid. The inner critic comes from a place of love and is saying everything it can to keep us in our comfort zones and stop us stepping outside where it might be unsafe. The inner critic’s only mission and purpose is to keep us safe and it takes its job REALLY seriously!
The inner critic is valuable because it makes us think about what might go wrong, the worst case scenario. BUT it's NOT the only voice to listen to. We lose our power when we only listen to our inner critic. The trick is to listen to the inner critic, but make an informed decision as to the action we take.
Why our inner critic is SHOUTING really LOUD right now
1. Exhaustion
Lockdown, home-schooling, more balls to juggle. When we're tired and we've been juggling more than usual, our inner critic takes over and says the nastiest things. Rest, focusing on your needs and refilling your bucket of energy is your first priority.
2. Lots of Emotions
It’s very natural to feel lots of emotions right now. If we're sad, anxious, grieving, or angry our inner critics are often triggered. It wants to keep us safe and sees these emotions as a signal its needed to step in and do its job. Our inner critic will usually go into overdrive making us even more self-critical. But remember, you are not alone, the inner critic does this to all of us.
3. Self -limiting beliefs
If you, like many others, already have a self - limiting belief such as “I’m not good enough”, then your inner critic will be shouting loud and proud and using this as it’s weapon to keep you safe and stop you from doing what you really want to do. It wants to protect you from a perceived risk. The impact is that it can make things like accepting mistakes, asking for help or handling criticism from others, especially challenging.
Five steps to quieten your inner critic and take your power back.
1. Spot and get to know your inner critic
Tune into the voice of your inner critic, what does it sound like? Whose voice is it really?
2. Give your inner critic a name.
View your inner critic as a separate person. Try to externalise it and get it out of your head by writing down what it says. Draw a picture (sound cheesy but it works!). Seeing your inner critic as something separate from you is the first step to stop identifying with it. Give your inner critic, a name. It sounds silly, but it will help to separate your inner critic from you. My inner critic is called Zelda. She is very feisty. I now engage with Zelda in a playful way without handing over my power.
3. Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the opposite of criticism and antidote to feeling criticised. Inner kindness won't happen overnight, it takes consistent practice. Please recognise this is your inner critic speaking and it’s not the truth even though it feels like it. Be really clear about the potential power he/she holds over you. Imagine if your best friend was describing what your inner critic was saying, what would you say?
4. Reframe your relationship with your inner critic.
You are your own person. It’s impossible to get rid of your inner critic, he/she will always be there. You don't have to follow what your inner critic says, it may have a point, a gift, tune in and listen to it, but make sure you make up your mind. Think rationally, using facts and evidence when deciding what to do. Challenge the negative thoughts of the inner critic by writing it down and choosing a positive thought that supports you instead.
5. Check your bucket of energy
Monitor how full or empty your bucket of energy might be. My article “How to get your spark back” has more details. Rest and replenish is key, otherwise you will be giving an open invitation to your inner critic.
What’s your inner critic saying to you and what’s the impact? What's your number one priority with dealing with your inner critic?. Do you feel equipped to take your power back? Your inner critic is only as powerful as you allow him/her to be. Any type of negative self-talk can deeply erode your self-belief. If you've spotted what your inner critic is saying, or can't quite pick out what she's saying but know that there is a lot of noise in your head and would like some help to clear the noise please book a free no obligation call.
I continue to live closely with Zelda but the most liberating feeling is being able to tell her (from a place of love) to f*** off, I’ve got this!.