What does stuck REALLY mean? & How to get unstuck.
“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.” Maya Angelou, author.
What do we think “stuck” means?
When I look back over my two decades as a lawyer, I remember quite clearly when I felt stuck.
I felt stuck when I was deciding to leave private practice and go in house.
I felt stuck when I was transitioning into my new head of legal role.
I felt stuck when I wanted to start my business.
But I didn't know what stuck really meant.
I knew that it felt really uncomfortable. I knew that it made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Like there was something wrong with me. It made me withdraw. It made me have conversations with myself that weren't very nice. It was always connected to “I’m just not good enough”. I came up with a million reasons not to do something and this kept me stuck. I felt, unhappy, frustrated and eventually led to me feeling anxious. It also negatively impacted my confidence and self-esteem. It wasn't a great place to be.
What’s the impact of feeling “stuck”?
Well, the impact is that we stay in analysis paralysis. We stay in inaction. We don't do the things that we really want to do. We're too busy arguing with ourselves internally as to; why we are stuck; why we are not good at what we're doing; why we didn't do what we really wanted to do; why we didn't have the conversation that we really wanted to have. We bring up negative things that happened in the past; not getting a promotion or a project we wanted. We basically beat ourselves up, and that's what stuck is all about. It's about staying where we are and beating ourselves up about it. It doesn't feel good. When we are in this uncomfortable place, we don’t see all the opportunities available and if we do see them, we usually make up an excuse not to go for it.
But what's the truth?
The truth about “Stuckness”
The truth is that you're not actually stuck. You're scared to do what you really need to do and it's easier to say that you are stuck and to not do anything. Stuckness is not a sign that there is something wrong with you, it’s a sign that you want to grow. It doesn't mean you need to leave your job. It doesn't mean that you need to completely change your life. It means that you need to grow right there and right then. If you don't grow, you’ll feel frustrated, you’ll beat yourself about it. Your body is telling you need to grow in the same way that your body tells you that you are hungry when you need to eat. Your body tells you are thirsty when you need to drink. Your body tells you are stuck when you need to grow. Feeling stuck signifies a fundamental need that is not being met, the need to grow.
You could take a new course, write articles, do new type of work, set something new up. Maybe it's something you just set up at home. But it's a new and you grow by doing it.
So, when you feel stuck. You are not wrong. It is absolutely normal to feel stuck. Stuck does not mean there is anything wrong about you, it does not mean that you are not good enough. Stuck just means that you need to grow and working out, where you need to grow, you often find a unique power within your stuckness. I remember when I started my business and I felt stuck. I didn't know which business model to use and which direction to go in. I realised that public speaking is something that I really love, and something I haven't done very much, but it's something I really love, am good at and wanted to do more. That was the gift of my stuckness when I started my business. The gift of my stuckness, when I was leaving, private practice to go in house was that I actually really enjoyed building a legal team, building something from scratch. There are many gifts that you find when you are stuck.
So, how do you get unstuck?
Top tips to get unstuck.
Acknowledge the feeling of being stuck.
Embrace the feeling of being stuck and acknowledge that it's a sign that you want to grow.
Acknowledge there is nothing wrong with you.
Give up trying to solve it. It's not about being stuck. It's about what you want to do going forward. It's about the action that you really want to take.
Let go of the past. Listen to the stories in your head. They often talk about past events but let them go. Focus on what you really want to do.
Get support to help work out how you want to grow.
Prioritise yourself.
Be kind to yourself and believe in yourself.
Take action, any action, start with small changes.
Be brave, choose courage over fear.
Stuckness REALLY means that we want to grow. Stuckness is not a sign that there is something wrong with you or that you are not good enough. I love helping clients find their unique power in their stuckness and move from stuck to special.
If this resonates, please book a curiosity call to chat more.